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On judgment

If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people’s choices. If I feel good about my body, I don’t go around making fun of other people’s weight or appearance.

Brene Brown

There are times in my life where I have been judgemental of others. I’ve also caught myself filtering my actions and words to avoid others’ judgement.

It’s not just me and not just you, I think judgement deeply affects all our lives. If you view your own judgements as a thread of self discovery, my experience is that it can lead to tremendous personal and interpersonal healing.

Maybe the reason why judgement of others feels so good to us is that it takes the limelight off our own internal shame. To me, I’ve found that any such boost from being judgemental is short lived however, and I am left feeling worse off than I did before.

Looking back at the friendships and relationships I’ve had in my life, the unhealthiest where those that were polluted with judgements of friends and especially other relationships. Hidden below the surface were the issues that we weren’t ourselves able or willing to examine. Judging others was a way to avoid focusing inward.

When we judge others, we are usually just externalizing a deeper (and more hidden) judgement of ourselves. When I’ve explored my own judgements of others, I’ve often discovered some root of inner shame waiting patiently to be healed.

Most importantly for my own journey, this realization has shown me that being judged is not something to be feared or avoided. Because hidden inside that judgement is a hurt person looking in the wrong place for healing.

How do you avoid being judged by others in your life? Where do you judge others on a regular basis? Is there a nugget of truth inside that might allow you to release that tension? Or maybe you think I’m being too judgemental about being judgemental?

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